


Why

by jordypordy



Category: NieR: Automata (Video Game)
Genre: Angst, Drabble, Dubious Consent, Ending C/D spoilers, F/M, Grief, Masturbation, Not A Happy Ending, just a really sad wank all around, just wanna air on the side of caution, not beta’d, nothing bad, solo male, we write and post like men
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-09-06
Updated: 2020-09-06
Packaged: 2021-03-06 23:00:42
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,129
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26326783
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/jordypordy/pseuds/jordypordy
Summary: “He flexes his arm. Her arm. The circuitry is shoddy, the receptors aren’t connected properly and it hurts beyond comparison. But she’s part of him now, he’s part of her. And it’s a wonderfully sickening feeling.”
Relationships: 2B/9S (NieR: Automata)
Comments: 3
Kudos: 23





	Why

**Author's Note:**

> This ship has been my sole purpose for living this past week and half tbh. I’m super fixated on them rn. It was only a matter of time before I caved.
> 
> I have more, significantly less sad, fics planned for these two but ya know. When you get the idea for a sad jerk off session you gotta write it.
> 
> EDIT: 9/9/2020 @ 3AM- added a dubious consent tag after a conversation with Nier server pals. I greatly apologize it wasn’t tagged properly before and that I may have exposed people to triggering content.
> 
> General edits were also made- rewording a few things and fixing tenses.

9S exits hack space and plunges back into the sterile white world around him. He’s bruised and damaged and tired and above all _angry._ Angry at the world. Angry at A2. Angry at the machines. Angry at the logic virus. Angry at 2B. 

He flexes his arm. _Her_ arm. The circuitry is shoddy, the receptors aren’t connected properly and it hurts beyond comparison. But she’s part of him now, he’s part of her. And it’s a wonderfully sickening feeling. 

Wanting privacy from 2B’s glossed over and unseeing eyes, 9S climbs over the wreckage behind him. Ordering Pod 153 into sleep mode, he stares at his new appendage. 

Her fingers are lithe and thin. He curls them, loving the feeling of her nails on her palm. On his palm. He reaches over with his other hand and clasps it in 2B’s. The sensation causes him to shudder, a noise he couldn’t quite identify escaping his lips. 

Why. Why. Why. _Why._ The entire time they were together this is all he ever wanted. Her touch. Her love. For her to feel him all over and devour him whole. 

9S is shaking when he brings her arm up to cup his cheek. It’s warm, unlike how it was minutes ago with her corpse. He leans into her hand as a wail escapes him, loud and unrestrained. 

Tremors rock his body as the tears flow. He weeps. He weeps for everything that has been taken from him and the future he no longer has. He sobs for his past selves, whose lives were unfairly taken from them. By 2B. 

2B had killed him. Over and over again she had ruthlessly and without hesitation killed him. 

Wrapping his arms around himself, he hiccups. 9S could taste his tears on his lips, the salt reminding him that he was in fact alive and that this wasn’t a personal hell. 

Why didn’t he hate her? Why didn’t he despise her, relish in her death? Why did he take such sick pleasure in watching her clones die? Why, god why, did he still love her? Crave her touch? Her desires and adoration?

His grip around his shoulders tightens, then loosens. He takes her hand and begins to run her fingers through his silver lockes, a shaky sigh emanating from deep within him. Even through her glove, he can feel the softness of her skin and the warmth of her caress. 

_9S… the time I spent with you… it was like memories of pure light…_

9S howls with pain as 2B’s image enters his mind’s eye. Her soft smile and gentle reprimands. Her soothing voice and heavenly laugh. A laugh he rarely heard but loved just as much as her. 

Her hand traces his cheek and jaw line, coming to a stop on the edge of his lips. 9S kisses her finger, then another and then her knuckle. He pulls her glove off with his teeth, careful as to not rip it. It is 2B’s after all- he had to keep it safe. 

Why, even now, was he fantasizing about her? After everything that had happened and everything she had put him through, why was his body reacting in the way it had countless times before as he lay awake, unable to sleep?

Mindlessly, he sticks her finger into his mouth. He closes his eyes at her taste as the finger presses down against his tongue. Sweet and metallic, it drives him wild. He removes it from his lips, eyeing a trail of spit that comes out with it. 

Without thinking, he begins to rub himself through his pants using his other hand. He pushes up his shirt and begins to rub his chest with 2B’s palm. She’s so soft he lurches his head back and stares at the ceiling. 

“2B,” 9S cries, “I’m sorry.” 

He pulls down his shorts and grips himself with 2B’s hand, the sensation causing stars to appear in his vision. He feels his heat on her hand. This is how it would have felt to _her._

“I hope you can forgive me,” he grunts as he begins to stroke himself. The irony of his plea is not lost of him. 2B should be the one begging for forgiveness from _him_. How long had she lied to him? How many times had she betrayed him?

He quickens his pace in an attempt to push the ugly thoughts out. 

His breath hitches and he sucks his teeth in as he squeezes himself. 9S forces himself to keep his eyes open in order to watch her hand. It’s so delicate but so powerful. The sight of it around his most vulnerable part is maddenly erotic. 

Moaning her name with reckless abandon, he hunches forward as he rubs his tip with her finger. Every fantasy he’s ever had about her rushes to his head, one after another. 

He’s on top and then suddenly she is. He’s kissing her, first softly then deeply and it’s almost like he can feel her tongue in his mouth. 2B holds him close, burying his face in her chest. 

And then her mouth is around him and oh _god_ it feels heavenly but not as amazing as when he’s inside of her. 9S imagines her face, her sweat, her hair, her sounds. Most of all, he imagines her warm wet walls around him, clenching him in a desperate need for him. 

“I love you,” he hears 2B say. 

It becomes too much for him to handle as he finishes in her hand. He yells her name, desperate for a response he knows will never come. 

His pumps slow to a crawl as he rides his orgasm out. He hates how good it felt. He hates that he’s almost immediately hard and ready again, desperate for her embrace. 

9S cries again, bringing his face to his knees. It’s a cry of desperation and of self loathing. He feels like the scum of the earth, the stars and the entire universe. What kind of friend is he? He’s sick, disgusting and feels so small and helpless. 

He’s a horrible, terrible person. A person not fit for YoRHa, for the resistance and least of all of 2B’s love.

Why, he curses to whatever god would still be willing to listen to him, does he still love her so much it hurts him to his very core? Why can’t he just hate her? Why can’t he bring himself to wipe his memory of her?

Why couldn’t he have saved her? Why did A2 kill her? Why did 2B never tell him the truth? Why did 2B leave him so alone in this world, bitter and lost without her?

He curses at god again, knowing he’ll never get the answers he wants as more wails escape him. 

**Author's Note:**

> Fun fact I wrote the entirety of the this sitting in the car next to my mom so I guess I’m going to hell now


End file.
